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FGES Tour #21: Chico, California

 Well folks, this is the last stop on the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts USA Tour. I have returned to my once and future home.

Probably the most famous landmark in Chico is the Bidwell Mansion...

John Bidwell was a general in the army, a politician, and ran for president on the Prohibition Ticket. He basically founded the city of Chico (ignoring, of course, the Mechoopda Indians who had lived here for hundreds of years).

Bidwell donated land for a huge and beautiful public park, named after him of course. He also gave land next to the mansion to establish a teachers college, which later became California State University, Chico. Dozens and dozens of businesses have "Bidwell" in their names, even though he had nothing to do with them, nor did he have any children to carry on the name.

He and his wife Annie are generally considered heroes by locals, but there are documented instances of oppression and attempted cultural and physical genocide.

So, while John Bidwell may not have personally killed any Native Americans, he materially supported people who did. He abetted and benefited from the enslavement, murder and removal of the native population. So fuck him.

But getting back to Bidwell Mansion, when I departed Chico in November, the mansion looked like the top picture. By the time I returned, it looked like this...

On the night of December 11th, 2024, the mansion burned. Investigators deemed it arson. A suspect has been arrested and has pleaded no contest. No one was harmed in the blaze.

If my irreverent attitude shocks you, what can I say but "fuck the Bidwells".

Sorry/not sorry to end the tour on a bitter note. Keep your eyes peeled for my official FGES caption contest. Cheers.

FGES Tour #20: West Wendover, Nevada

 

As you approach the eastern border of Nevada 

on Interstate 80 in Utah, you pass through a small town called Wendover. As soon as you cross over the border into Nevada, you find yourself in the much larger town of West Wendover. Being Nevada, all sorts of sinful activities are encouraged, especially gambling.

"Wendover Will" welcomes travelers to West Wendover. I parked somewhat illegally in order to try to take a selfie with Will, but the lighting and the angle were not conducive to photographic pursuits, as you can see from my solo attempt...

I was somewhat startled when a man in a fire department pickup stopped next to my car and got out. I was worried I was in trouble for my choice of parking spots. No, he had seen me struggling and offered to take the photo for me. Nice firefighter.

FGES Tour #19: Ruther Glen, Virginia

 

Virginia is for lovers, they say, and who doesn't love themselves some Freakin' Green Elf Shorts?

FGES Tour #18: Louisville, Kentucky

 

Here I am... can you guess where? I've already revealed that I am in Louisville, Kentucky. But where in Louisville, exactly? The cognoscenti may recognize my tattoo as the symbol of the father of Gonzo Journalism - Hunter S. Thompson, author of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", and "Hell's Angels". So what's with the house in the background? Why, it is none other than the childhood home of HST. 

FGES Tour #17: Haulover Nude Beach, Miami Beach, Florida

 When in Rome...

The temperature was in the mid-70s, there was a stiff breeze, the water was cool, and a lovely jade color.

And yes, I really was nude. If you require proof, let me know. No perverts. Okay... perverts.

FGES TOUR #16: Mar-a-Lago

 

I know in the previous post I said I had something special for Drumpf. Well, this isn't that special, but I thought it deserved its own post, rather than being lumped in with the other Florida locations. 

I was able to drive right past the gate, but this end of the bridge in the background was the closest I could park. I could have walked across the bridge I suppose, but there were so many cops around (and one lone pedestrian on my end of the bridge whose whole vibe screamed "undercover Secret Service") that I decided discretion was the better part of valor.

And remember, no droning. Drumpf hates competition. 

FGES TOUR #15: Florida (various locations)

 

After New Orleans, I headed to Florida. They have a lovely Welcome Center near Pensacola, except for the the name of the current governor under the welcome sign. And what's with "the FREE state of Florida"? Weird. 

I drove down the Gulf of Mexico coast for awhile. The second picture was taken in Mexico Beach. Sorry about the lens flare. Also, no, I didn't shrink. The beach chair is oversized, presumably so you could get a whole bunch of people in the shot.

Third picture is at the lowest point (geographically) in the continental United States. The true nadir is when the majority of us elected Tr*mp a second time. Again, sorry for the glare.

As a teenager, I traveled to Point Barrow, Alaska, which is the northernmost point, not just of the USA, but all of North America, that you can drive to on interconnected roadways. So, I've got that going for me, and that's nice.

And speaking of 45/47, I've got a special post in... honor (?) of him coming up next. 

FGES TOUR #14: A Tragic End to a Magical New Year's Eve in New Orleans

 

 New Orleans, Louisiana. NOLA. The Big Easy. Fascinating city. So much to see and do.

The first picture was actually taken on the 29th. I was waiting on the gallery of a bar on Bourbon Street (yes, THAT Bourbon Street) for my friends Becky and Mark to join me.

The other pics were taken on New Year's Eve. At midnight the sky above the river erupted with a massive display of fireworks that lasted about 20 minutes. 

I finally got back to my campground around 2 in the morning. When I woke, I was confused to find messages on my phone from family and friends asking if I was OK. When I found out what had happened (if you don't know, Google "New Orleans New Year's attack). I had a sick feeling in my stomach the rest of the day. Flags are still hanging at half-staff here. I get a pang in my guts when I see one.

Very sad.

FGES TOUR #13: Gramercy, Louisiana

 On Christmas Eve, residents near the Mississippi River in Louisiana build bonfires atop the levee, on both sides. The fires stretch for 30 miles, with Gramercy (about 45 miles north of New Orleans) being at the southern end. The purpose of the fires is to guide Papa Noel (Cajun Santa Claus) as he follows the course of the river. 

Most of the bonfires take the form shown here, a sturdy pyramid chock-a-block with fire wood. Some, however, are more elaborate. I saw a very realistic recreation of a large farm tractor. There were rumors of a giant wooden deer somewhere. 

At precisely 7 p.m. the structures are set alight. The red "ribbons" on the one behind me are actually strips of firecrackers. Thousands of fireworks were going off for hours.

There were also food vendors along the road. I had some delicious gumbo, and delightful crawdad nachos.

A splendid time was had by all.

FGES TOUR #12: Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

 The Shorts visited the Capitol Building of the Pelican State. 450 feet of Art Deco erection. Some interesting artwork in and on the structure, including how some 1930 artist perceived Black people.

The Shorts are embarrassed for America, and apologize to the world on its behalf. 

FGES TOUR #11: Buc-ee's, Luling, Texas

 

I couldn't resist paying a visit to "the largest convenience store in the world". It's like a mash-up of convenience store, department store, and a Crackerbarrel restaurant. Lots of Buc-ee (the Beaver) merchandise, including a waffle maker. It's weird when the store itself becomes a destination, rather than a stop along the way. Incredibly nice restrooms, though. 

I didn't know Buc-ee himself was going to be there, or I would have taken the Shorts inside with me.